Had a fun time down the Cape yesterday, but first- that is SO awesome that those miners in Pennsylvania were rescued, and in pretty good shape considering their ordeal. It makes you believe there is a higher power...Anyway, it was great to see my friends, it'd been awhile..."it took me back to something/that I'd lost somewhere, somehow along the way..." I felt sorta funny, tho'- I mean, I truly love those guys, I think the world of them, but I've sorta changed, my mindset, thoughts, attitudes, etc...are different than they once were...and some of the thoughts going thru my mind, if they only knew, they would think I'm TRULY messed up, lol! Nothing about them, but like, being out and, as has become more usual, looking at women in comparison (I WISH I had her body- I LUV her hairstyle- I've gotta get that outfit- she should've done her makeup better, etc...) rather than trying to 'get lucky' as it were ;) I've felt and thought this way for quite awhile, but it kinda brings it into sharper focus when it's around longtime friends and (and this is an OLD story, I know!) it makes me feel a little sad, as if in some ways I've disappointed them, not completely being the person I was, the person they know and expect me to be. It was nothing overt; maybe no one even really noticed much of a change in me (beyond a bit how I look- smaller if nothing else), but more a subtle kind of change, in mindset, attitude, etc...and not so much having to do w/ simply getting older/more mature (as if I were! lol!) I probably jes think about stuff too much- get over yerself, Kellie! :)

"I woke up Sunday morning with no way to hold my head that didn't hurt/But the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad, so I had one more for dessert..."

Gonna head down to the Cape tomorrow- yay! First weekend (well, Saturday afternoon/evening, anyway :) away in a l-o-n-g time! I'll be in 'guy' mode, as its - don't laugh!- an annual college fraternity sorta reunion-type thingy (really! ;) Should be a fun time...see some friends, some of whom I haven't seen in awhile...but these kinds of weekends also serve to point up the, I dunno, confusion over where I ultimately want/need to take the way I live my life...while part of me can still enjoy 'em, more and more, I feel, what- drawn? pulled?- toward this side of me...maybe I need to try to experience that side of me more again...either way, tomorrow should be a blast! (Jes hope I'm not hurtin' TOO bad come Sunday! lol!)

"He's goin' back to find, what's left of his world/The world he left behind, not so long ago..."

Light-hearted today! Some good things: Family and friends...sunny summer days...eye makeup remover pads!...fried clams (not healthy, but yum!)...football (and baseball) played on real grass...the Internet (pop-up ads are a BAD thing!)..."Soak Up The Sun," a GREAT summer song!...loyalty...eBay...autumn in New England (but winter anywhere warm!)...Absolut Citron...Jergens Naturally Smooth moisturizer...ESPN Classic...Old Navy...flowers, just because!...CCR...a nice tan (also not healthy, but hey!)...peaceful, quiet time...losing 5 lbs!...kittens...gorgeous sunrises and sunsets...slow dancing...bookstores and libraries...shoes that fit!...little kids playing...the PERFECT little black dress!...the North End...unexpected kindnesses...

"It's not having what you want/It's wanting what you've got..."

A little serious tonite...some of these recent crimes have been enuf to make anyone outraged and clamoring for real justice...the savage murders of Samantha Runnion in California and Alexandra Zapp here in Massachusetts can't help but make one question what is just. According to the Orange County Register, the accused killer of Samantha was acquitted two years ago of molesting two other little girls (and BTW- there should be a special place in hell for child molesters- and those who abuse the elderly), and the accused killer of Alexandra has a record of assaults that stretches back over 15 years. Some would say these individuals are "sick," no; their crimes are sickening, but they are evil. Sickness is something beyond one's control- cancer, AIDS, schizophrenia, these are sicknesses. Addictions may well be sicknesses as well, but it is up to the afflicted to control their behavior to avoid falling prey to them, much as a diabetic must alter her behavior. The killers of Samantha and Alexandra are evil- no excuses can be made for their actions. Indeed, law enforcement attempted to have the alleged killer of Ms. Zapp incarcerated as a sex-offender threat but, in an all-too-familiar story, an activist judiciary- in this case the Mass. SJC- decided that the rights of multiply-convicted sex-offenders (and we're not talking an 18 yo convicted of lewdness cuz he was caught taking a wizz in public, but a violent rapist) trump the rights of law-abiding citizens not to face violence by stopping at a well-lit, restaurant/rest stop, at ANY hour of the day or night. Samantha could've been my niece; Alexandra could've been my sister, but most importantly, they both WERE the loved ones of many, whose lives were snuffed out by worthless excuses for humanity, and their enablers in judge's robes. The bastard who murdered Samantha if convicted most likely will face the needle of peace which he so richly deserves; sadly, Alexandra's murderer will be a guest of the Commonwealth for the remainder of his days, with the taxpayers picking up his tab. Sorry, folks, I know this entry isn't too "femme" or upbeat.

"Oh, I'd love to wear a rainbow every day/And tell the world that everything's OK..."

Some random musings...One of my friends has embarked upon a new diet & fitness regimen, she's already lost 12 lbs in VERY short time- way to go, Cathy!...Another is scheduled to head to LA to tape an appearance for a game show, woohoo! :) ...I've always believed that putting others first, be they family, friends, employers, etc...is a virtue; that putting one's own wants, needs, desires, etc...first seems selfish. I don't mean that to sound "noble" or "martyr-like"- its simply the way I've always believed, and tried to act. I'm not sure why; I don't even know if I was necessarily raised with that mindset, as my sister, for example, has no problems putting herself first, as well she should. There are lots of people who are able to put their needs, their desires, their happiness, first, to go after them determinedly (is that a word?!), and they seem happy with their choices, and fulfilled. In my various walks of life I know many; again, my sister, some of my closest friends from growing up, and from college, T-folks I know, and others. Sometimes I wonder at the choices and decisions they've made, whether they fully thought thru how those choices may affect those close to them, yet I can't help but admire as well their ability to go after what they want, what they believe they need to make their lives happier, more fulfilling, the repercussions be damned. I'm kinda rambling here tonite, I know...it just seems like this summer, heck, this year, has slipped away from me so far, disappointing others and disappointing myself by not doing more of the things I want to do, in so many ways...maybe I just think too much- I know, the ol' "paralysis of analysis!" :)

"She's as sweet as Tupelo honey/She's an angel of the first degree..."

Pats open training camp one week from tomorrow- wait, let me amend that...THE SUPER BOWL CHAMPION NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS open training camp one week from tomorrow! lol...and for you baseball fans, is that John Henry Williams a piece of work (or a piece of something else?!) or what? He reminds me of the quote from Caddyshack, "Now I know why tigers eat their young!" Nothing else too earth-shattering to share with you (as if there ever is! :), so I'll leave you with one from the country charts...

"You'll be sorry you messed with the U.S. of A./'Cuz we'll put a boot in your ass, it's the American way..."

Well, it appears the "virus" thingy I was worried about wasn't me, but rather, one of those viruses that grabs names/addresses from someone's email address book, then sends out emails under the addressee's email addy...and only one acquaintance has told me she's received anything like that from my Hotmail account, so...and apparently the virus in question isn't especially destructive but rather a 'nuisance' kinda deal...but it pays to keep your anti-virus definitions and scans up-to-date...Hey, try this- in your browser's address box, type in www.god.com What were your results? Coincidence? I think not... :) I hope everyone in the US reading this had a nice 4th of July holiday, and that everyone is enjoying their summer!

"Am I not pretty enough?/Is my heart too broken?/Do I cry too much?/Am I too outspoken?..."

Got home from the gym a lil while ago...starting Monday I'm going to change my weights routine a bit; I currently do sets of 15 reps, but lately I feel like I've bulked up too much (especially my arms, and to a lesser extent my legs), so starting Monday I'm going to drop the weight on my exercises a bit and do sets of 20, hopefully that will not only up my metabolism a lil bit more, but give me a more toned/less bulked look. I'm amazed (and envy!) by people who either barely work out or don't work out at all and yet remain sooooo thin- I can LOOK at food and gain 5 lbs!...Ran a roadrace yesterday down on the South Shore, it was a shorter one, just a bit under 5 mi., but NOT my best of times, we've had our first heat wave (3+ days of 90 or more) of the summer, muggy, too ("It's not the heat, its the humidity"- agh!) which made it a lil uncomfortable, but still, I should have had a lil better time...went to a cookout later, was a nice 4th of July...RIP- Ted Williams (yikes- my blog is starting to read like an obituary column!)

"Come out Virginia, don't let me wait/You Catholic girls start much too late..."

Did you know only three US holidays are still celebrated on their traditional/historical dates? Christmas, New Year's, and Independence Day...hey, has anyone received any funny email claiming to be from my Hotmail account? I had one person email me the other day saying she had been emailed a virus from my PC. I DON'T send viruses (I wouldn't even know how to!), and I seldom send attachments or large-sized emails, so if anyone else has had this problem, please let me know (and don't open anything that looks funky!) I get emailed odd looking notes from time to time as well- it makes you wonder about the sick, sad, pathetic minds of people who have nothing better to do w/ their time than devise ways to try to screw up this pretty incredible technology...What is it about bands that, now when they put out a "Greatest Hits" compilation, they ALWAYS include a NEW song or two? How can these new songs be "Greatest Hits" if they've never even been released before?! Sheesh... Happy 4th of July!

"Born in the USA..."

A little time before starting the rest of the day...well, its July 1. The 1st six months of '02 are history. There's SO much more I'd hoped to have done, but I get myself too caught up in the routine/day-to-day, not taking/making time for other, more enjoyable and rewarding, things, disappointing others, disappointing myself. I'm not "whining"- I KNOW I'm the only one who can do this, make these changes, for me. I have my resume out there, hopefully for bigger and/or better things...there is SO much more out there, I KNOW there is, I have considerable admiration for those who "go for it" w/out getting caught up in routine, or worse, the paralysis of analysis, playing it too safe. But hey- the sun is shining, the air is nice, my run was good, I'm healthy...things could be worse! RIP- John Entwistle.

"Hope I die before I get old..." (I hope that wasn't too tasteless! :)