my weblog

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Sail On, the Commodores

Sail on down the line, 'bout a
Half a mile or so, and I
Don't really wanna know, a
Where you're going

Maybe once or twice, you see
But time after time, I tried
To hold onto what we got, but
Now you're going

And I don't mind
'Bout the things you're gonna say Lord
I gave all my money and my time
I know it's a shame
But I'm givin' you back your name, yeah, yeah

Yes, I'll be on my way
I won't be back to stay
I guess I'll move along
I'm looking for a good time

Sail on down the line, ain't it
Funny how the time can go, all my
Friends say the told me so, but it
Doesn't matter

It was plain to see, that a
Small town girl like me, just a
Wasn't your cup of tea, I was
Wishful thinkin'

I gave you my heart
And I tried to make you happy
But you gave me nothin' in return
You know it ain't so hard to say
Would you please just go away, yeah, yeah.

I've thrown away the blues
I'm tired of bein' used
I wanna everyone to know
I'm looking for a good time
Good time

Woah, sail on, honey
Good times never felt so good
Sail on, honey
Good times never felt so good
Sail on, sugar
Good times never felt so good...

Monday, July 28, 2008

If you waste your time a-talkin' to the people who don't listen,
To the things that you are sayin', who do you think's gonna hear?
And if you should die explainin' how the things that they complain about,
Are things they could be changin', who do you think's gonna care?

from To Beat The Devil, Kris Kristofferson.

Words to live by.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Random ramblings...

Summer is here in full force! It's been hazy, hot, and humid recently. I've gotten in some pretty good (and pretty sweaty! ;) early-morning runs, but lately my left foot has been acting up again, dammit! I have very high arches as it is, which can contribute to foot supination; in addition, I broke that foot waaayyy back in my sophomore year of high school and ever since every so often it acts up on me. GRRRRR... There's a fine line between being easy-going and accomodating and being taken for granted... It's often easier to forgive than to forget... I had written previously re. transgenderism that it can't- or at least, it shouldn't- be just about us; that is generally a good attitude to take re. most things. More people should adopt that attitude... Awhile back I mentioned that I'm a sucker for crime books and novels set locally (films, too!) I'm currently reading The Crime of the Century: How the Brink's Robbers Stole Millions and the Hearts of Boston, by Stephanie Schorow; she's written several well-done books on local events... The Patriots open training camp this week; football, woohoo! Time for me to sharpen my prognostication $kill$ again... Fourteen Reasons You're Not Sleeping: I've never been a good sleeper. Fortunately I've usually not needed too much sleep to feel reasonably rested... Few things are more maddening than offering suggestions to people who are trying to deal with and overcome problems, suggestions you know can work because they have worked for you in dealing with very similar problems, and having them go in one ear and out the other. Whether it is weight loss, mood, or sumthin' else; I can think of at least three people off the top of my head whom I've- gently- offered very reasonable, pretty simple, and pretty effective suggestions of things that have worked for me and they won't even try 'em. You can lead a horse to water...

"Well, to live's to fly/Both low and high/So shake the dust off of your wings/And the sleep out of your eyes..."

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Odds and sods...

I came across this recently:
Separation of church, state - and marriage?
Hmmm... where have I read a similar suggestion made before? (Hint: search my blog!) While this article deals more with reasons why various religions might wish to, um, divorce themselves from being government-approved agents of/for marriage the issue of whether marriage need be sanctioned by government is also germane (as same-sex couples in California will be in the process of discovering later this year, a government- or at least, one branch- which can legislate this, or any legal right, can, depending upon shifting moods and mores, legislate that, or any right, away; in the case of same-sex marriage in CA, by that ultimate branch of government, the will of the people to amend their Constitution as expressed at the polls.) Yet another reason for limited government.

My friend Orest sent me two suggestions for my all-time rock list:
Keep On Rocking In The Free World, Neil Young
I Can't Tell You Why, The Eagles.
The first one certainly qualifies; even if it does have a bit more of a message, it gets the heart pounding! The second one might not qualify for that particular list, but as I told him, it is one of the most romantic ballads by The Eagles, and very possibly my fav of theirs, Desperado and Peaceful Easy Feeling giving it a run. (And personally it's very gratifying when folks take the time to comment on various items I blog about here...)

Brett Favre- how can we miss you if you won't go away??? A friend recently told me about Meebo; he seems pleased with it, I'll hafta look into it... Did anyone stay up for the MLB All-Star Game last night (East Coast readers anyway?) 15 innings, almost five hours- yikes! Two related thoughts: 1- It is absolutely silly to award World Series home field advantage based upon which league wins the All-Star game. 2- I'm no New York Yankees fan (I dated one once; coulda been worse, he could have been a Jets fan!) but how in the world do you tear down and build a new Yankee Stadium? The most hallowed park in baseball, moreso than Wrigley Field and- yes- Fenway Park, too. I understand the need for enhanced amenities and added revenues (sentiment aside, the Sox might have been better off building themselves a new park) but the most historic and tradition-laden park in baseball? One that was renovated not all that long ago? Sad...

"Nothings wrong as far as I can see/We make it harder than it has to be/And I can't tell you why..."

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Some thoughts re. transgenderism I've been kicking around for awhile (mite be boring for some readers...)

I do spend some time reading others' thoughts, opinions, experiences, etc... on this thing of ours. One recurring topic or theme is how others, particularly those close to us, react/respond to the revelation- for whatever reason/s- of our transgenderism, from the most closeted panty-wearer to the post-op transsexual, and all points in-between. And that focus is almost always upon how "they" react to "our" revelation. And this also runs the gamut, from the fully-embracing and accepting to the "my wife/girlfriend/parents/children/friends don't understand/won't accept this" reaction. Obviously we'd all wish to be fully embraced and accepted; this isn't something we necessarily choose. Life would be easier for- many, most?- of us if we didn't feel some disconnect between our brains and our bodies, our software and hardware if you will. To- possibly/potentially- be treated dismissively, derisively, or even shunned by those we care for and about for accepting and, as best as possible, trying to deal with that disconnect is painful. As such, overwhelmingly accounts of others' transitions, dealings, etc... of this focus on the reaction/s of the various "they's" in our lives and how those reactions affect us. But one item, one topic I've seldom seen addressed is any real examination of how our revelation of this affects "them." Specifically; how does knowledge of this improve their lives, make their lives more full, more complete? How is a wife of 10 years, 20 years life improved and/or fulfilled by finding out the man she married is not who he seemed? How do children, be they young or teens or even adults, benefit from this knowledge? How is a 70 year-old mother's life made more complete by her son telling her he'd rather have been her daughter? How are old high-school teammates or college fraternity brothers' lives deepened and enhanced by such knowledge? When to all of these people the self that we might reveal is significantly different from the person they know, they married, loved, befriended, etc... what is the upside for them?

I don't write nor ask any of this to be judgmental or critical of anyone's decisions or choices. I've mentioned before, I have considerable respect for many of those who have had the courage to do what they believed they needed to do in order to make their lives more fulfilled and complete. But from much of my experience I do believe one topic that is vastly under-represented and under-served in the gender "community" is examination of the effects our transgenderism, our gender expression, have upon those we care for and about. Perhaps it's just me; more than finances or anything else, consideration of how further expression and transitioning, ie maintaining 'mone therapy, would impact those I know and love and care about (beyond those who already know) the- possibly- adverse or negative effect/s it would have upon them and their lives, is what- to date- keeps me from furthering my journey. Perhaps others have a different, or greater, sense of self than I and hence have been able to put their personal needs ahead of those of others in their lives.

But it does seem that how the knowledge of our true selves impacts others often receives short shrift. It's a topic I'd be intersted in hearing addressed by some of the "voices" of the T world. I'm curious. It can't- or at least, it probably shouldn't- be just about us.

"Go jump in the lake, go ride up the hill/Get out of this house/It's a house of your making, it's a house of ill will/Get out of this house..."

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Winding down a sorta soggy now sunny 4th of July weekend with a Wachusett Summer Wheat Ale...

This was a pretty neat story:
OMAHA, Neb. -- Dara Torres' eyes were watery and not from just having climbed out of the pool. She was crying at the cheers from 13,247 fans who saw the 41-year-old mother complete her improbable Olympic comeback.
What a feat! Some have been suggested that her performance was chemically enhanced, but:
That's why she volunteered for extra drug testing this time around. She was accepted into a new program that focuses on a dozen athletes in different sports, subjecting them to additional testing and the latest technology.
Since March, she's been tested at least a dozen times, with testers drawing five vials of blood from her body each time to look for the telltale signs of illegal drugs.

Good for her! (Yes, I'd kill for her body... and I absolutely hated Yahoo's headline: Middle-aged mom triumphs. 41? Middle-aged?! Ack!!!)

FWIW... I came across the following on one of the Yahoo T groups I belong to: has a graph to go along with the story "Why All Female Superheros Look the Same." This graph is useful to demonstrate that if we wish to be more likely to be perceived as biogals we need to get very slim or very fat. Notice the blue and red dashed lines. These are the graphs of the weights of normal men and women in the 20 - 29 y/o age range. They overlap at two points. Roughly BMI 20 and 33. Below BMI 20 and above BMI 33 a person is more likely to be female than male. At weights between this range a person is more likely to be male... You can see that a typical woman increases her weight by about a pound per year. I'm days away from age 53 and am 5' 7.5" which I'll round to 5' 8". For me anybody weight of about 153 or less OR 239 or more makes me significantly more likely to be read as a biogal than all weights in between. My experience strongly suggests these ideas are correct. I was less than 150 pounds for several months and was rarely "read." Additionally it was fairly common for men to hit on me. I'm in my 170s now and frequently read plus I'd probably have to pay a guy to sleep with me unless I go with street people or married men, both groups who sleep with anyone. Also, I have some MTF TS friends who are quite obese and they pass well and tend to have little problem finding men if they're into them.
My .02? There may be something to this. Many- most?- slender TGals often have little trouble getting by without being "read", as long as their hair, makeup, attire, etc... is appropriate (and if they're not well over 6' tall!) Similarly I've seen and known more than a few "large and lovely" TGals who- again, with appropriate hair, makeup, attire, etc...- often aren't "read" (additional body fat may tend to "soften" their appearance.) At 5'6", I feel more comfortable and confident being closer to a welterweight than a middleweight (do the math, sports fans!) I've never- or at least, have yet- aspired to be "waif" thin, for me, a lightweight (alright Kel, enuf with the boxing weight classes, you!) I prefer, and believe I look healthiest and best with, more of a lean but femininely athletic build. If the transgal's observations quoted above ring true, it is more difficult easily "passing" if one has an average/typical- ie, not too big nor too small- male physique.

This (Ernesto's Bianco) just might be better than sex! (It may be- I suppose it depends upon the sex... ) There are sooooo many good slices in the North End, various styles, but Ernesto's takes a back seat to no one when it comes to Neapolitan, and their white pizza is to-die for!

In previous postings I've made reference to my appreciation of the, um, acting abilities of Matthew McConaughey (he is a good actor, tho' I'd watch him read the phone book!) Another actor I've similarly always appreciated is Chris Noth; I've yet to see the big-screen version of Sex and the City but I "liked" him in the HBO series, and back to his days as Det. Mike Logan in the first Law & Order (sumthin' about an Irish Catholic cop gets me- go figure!) On the distaff side, I've always found Elisabeth Shue to be a very under-rated actress; another actress whom I've always found gives a fine performance (as well as appearing an attractive and sophisticated woman- and one who shares the same birth date as me!) is Diane Lane- I've yet to see her last few, but I liked her in Hollywoodland, and luved her in Must Love Dogs...

My five all-time best rock songs- nothing sophisticated or controversial or sentimental, just songs that you know by heart and that can always get your head bobbing, your heart pounding, your toes tapping:
5- You Shook Me All Night Long, AC/DC: Knocking me out with those American thighs!
4- Travelin' Band, Creedence Clearwater Revival: Swamp Rock (if not Hockomock Swamp rock)
3- Rock And Roll, Led Zeppelin: Its been a long time since I did the stroll...
2- Born To Run, Bruce Springsteen: Reason #1 why he's The Boss!
1- Brown Sugar, Rolling Stones: Politically incorrect as hell; everything rock should be!
Send me some of yours...

"I said yeah, yeah, yeah- woo..."

Friday, July 04, 2008

Happy 4th of July!