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Sunday, March 28, 2004

Busy past week, getting back/settling back into my routine, the same ol' same ol'...ah, well...

I got skunked on my NCAAs this year- only ONE of my Final Four picks (@#$%! UConn) actually will be playing in San's been an exciting tournament this year, lotsa teams going a lot further than expected (Xavier, Nevada as just two) quite a few upsets, several close games, and so on...all combining to make this once again probably the second-best, second most exciting US sporting event (after the Super Bowl :)

The following may strike some folks who know me as a lil odd, but so often I feel like more of an observer of life rather than an active participant. I dunno...due to the schedule and such I often have to keep, due in some part I suppose to my temperament, my personality, etc...but frequently I feel like so much of my time I spend watching life, not so much pass me by as simply "go" by...I see a lot of people doing a lot of the things I thought I either would have been doing as well by now, or doing things, living their lives, ways that in many respects I'd like to be living mine. I don't mean so much "material" things, or specific things such as trips, "toys," etc...I've never been an especially "materially"-oriented person. It's not that I have anything against "nice" things (anyone wants to buy 'em for me, feel free! :) but I've never been motivated, or felt the burning need, to have or own "the best/most expensive" X...But I have a desire to live more, I dunno, not so much purposefully (tho' that may be part of it) as- I'm groping for the right word here...- fully? PASSIONATELY! With passion! (I know, this sounds like a Tony Robbins infomercial!) It's not about turning my back on everyone and everything and just following my own bliss as it were- to me, that would be the height of selfishness- but rather, leading a more impassioned, more intense life, not feeling as if I'm just going thru the motions, a more vital life that incorporates more of what I want to do, want to achieve, wish to experience while giving back more, doing more, being more available and such, with those I care for and about while making and deepening other relationships. There was an article I read in one of the Sunday paper magazines, about "Getting Yourself Back on Track," which struck home with me in several ways. I know, I know...more paralysis of analysis! GRRRRRR!!! :)

"I wonder if you know/I wonder if you think about it/Once upon a time/In your wildest dreams..."

Sunday, March 21, 2004

It was sooooooooooo nice to have some time off and to myself again...goes by ALL too quickly! :( Even tho' the weather the last two weeks was truly dismal- cold, rainy, snowy, windy (And my sister was away sunning herself in the warm Caribbean!!!)- I still found some time to kick back and relax, took in a couple of new/different haunts, with some good people :) And sadly, missed a few folks I was hopin' to meet up with as well...sometime soon, I hope!

A few thoughts...I was telling a friend of mine that, more and more, it seems all my- too little!- socializing is as Kellie. I'm not complaining; obviously were it not enjoyable, I wouldn't do it. But...sometimes I feel a lil, I dunno, not ambivalent, but like, how to put it, like at times I'm letting down others. I know, I know, I often read too much into things and examine things FAR too much, FAR too deeply, but last Friday, I heard from: my brother, one of my best friends from high school, and one of my good college friends. Nothing major- my brother simply wanted to catch up on the NCAAs, and my other two friends were just basically catching up, hadn't talked to one in a couple of weeks, the other in maybe two months. But they don't "know" about Kellie- it would certainly be a surprise to them!- and I'm not sure if maybe I gave them all a lil short shrift. I hate to think I'm blowing off people close to me, good people whom I care deeply about and for, because my, what, priorities, or my acceptance and embrace of "this" have grown more and more...I dunno...all I know is that I enjoy, I often feel more comfortable, even more confident, socializing, being out and about, just, I dunno, "being," as Kellie. But there's still a part of me that does not want to hurt, harm, nor damage any of my long-time, existing relationships simply because of what I want, or need, or whatever...the paralysis of analysis continues!

"If it makes you happy/It can't be that bad/If it makes you happy/Then why the hell are you so sad..."

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Just finished my "for entertainment purposes only" NCAA brackets! :) My Final Four: Kentucky, Pitt, Texas, and- ugh- UConn, with- double ugh!- UConn beating Pitt (in a Big East rematch) for the annual gripe: there is NOTHING more asinine than the stupid 65th team "play-in" game...just a way for the NCAA to make a lil extra money (as if they need it)...St. Joe's didn't deserve a 1 seed...Western Michigan may well surprise...teams like Cincinnati usually can only go so far on their athletic talent; when it gets down to the Sweet 16 or Elite 8, the ability of most teams is comparable, and mental toughness and such (not the long suit of Cincy's scholar-athletes; sorry, Bearcats fans!) come into play...Some respect for the Atlantic 10 this year, w/ four teams making it in (Richmond was a surprise to make it, at least to me,) the Big Ten and, if I'm not mistaken, the Pac 10 only getting three teams in...My State U justmissed the cut...yeah, right!

Had a VERY nice nite out last Sunday, dinner, a few drinks (again, I wasn't driving! Good girl...:)...split a VERY yummy spicy crab and chive goat cheese pizza, was awesome! And even more nicely, good conversation (everything from sports, to news, to politics, to food!) and time spent w/ someone enjoyable... :) An evening that ended all too soon, but hey...thanks, D! :)

It was sad to see and read of the recent terrorist bombings in Spain; over 200 innocent people slaughtered by gutless fanatical cowards. And it's a shame that, in their elections, too many Spanish voters allowed the threat of terrorism to rule the day, and voted to align themselves w/ those who would take a more appeasing approach to thugs of the terrorists' ilk. It's telling that many of the same voices that said there were no ties, etc...between Saddam's Iraq and al Qaeda are now saying that it was the action to remove Saddam that prompted this heinous terror attack upon what had been a staunch supporter of the action vs. Saddam. But most importantly, thoughts and prayers should go out to the victims and their families, and that the new Spanish government doesn't place their people, and those with whom their nations was allied, in further danger.

Snow is on the way...ack!!! May be the 2nd largest storm of the season...spring DOES start this month, yes? I'll tell ya, the weather has been pretty frightful for my two weeks off...THINK SPRING!

"From this moment life has begun/From this moment you are the one..."

Friday, March 12, 2004

Dammit! Just finished typing an entry and it disappeared, agh! Starting over, grrrrrrrr...:)

Had a good run this morning- weather was nice, sunny, not too cold, felt good! The weather this week had been so-so, we even had the "s" word- snow!- earlier this week, and windy, and cold, but hey, March in New England, right? It still beats workin'... :)

Had a REALLY nice time out last nite with a really good friend! I forget sometimes just how much I miss nites out, taking some time to kick back, relax, just enjoy things...Had a fun time, dinner and drinks (I had a few, but I wasn't driving!) good conversation, fun nite at a bistro in the Theatre District- been there for drinks a few times; they have a nice, low-key, mellow bar downstairs, and a livelier room upstairs-and had read and heard that their food was quite good- it is! But more, it was simply enjoying a nite out again, good company, laughing, kicking back, I needed it, thanx!...BBQ next?! :)

And again, it sort of reminded me of how much I let myself miss out on keeping to my all-too-usual schedule and routine. I do that- I find it easier to let myself get into a routine, a rut if you will, until the days have blended into weeks into get the picture. Two of my- many!- faults are; I let myself get too complacent, too routinized, into too much of a comfort zone of sorts, a creature of habit. Change seems to come more difficultly for me, or probably more accurately, I make change difficult, or I don't work at it more diligently. Also, I get FAR too caught up in the paralysis of analysis, playing things too, not so much safe as cautiously or to close to the vest, concerned to distraction how doing more of what I might want to do may affect others, be they family, friends, employer, etc...I make no apologies for being responsible to others, and to myself. But taken to too much of an extreme, it is stultifying. I know this; what I have to do is generate the passion, the energy, the "want to" to break out of that. I know so many people, in all of my various "walks of life" who "go for it" (trite phrase- sorry!) Sometimes I have a tendency to see that as selfishness, but it's really not, not when done in proportion. I know, I know- anyone who's read this blog over time is thinking "I've read this again and again, Kellie- do it, fer Chrissakes, will ya?! Sheesh!"...Life IS good! :)

"You're the best listener that I've ever met/You're my best friend/Best friend with benefits/What took me so long..."

Monday, March 08, 2004's been a lil while, huh? FINALLY have a lil time off, free, away from the daily grind, the 9-5, the same old same old (fill in your own tired cliche here!) Can't afford to go away anywhere warm and sunny, sigh...but I can still really use the time off, to recharge a bit, and have a lil fun :)

Some random thoughts...What is it w/ newscasts, that they feel they HAVE to have two newsreaders? Example: my favorite Sunday morning local newscast, they had one woman newsreader, one meteorologist, and a canned sports segment. Now, the powers-that-be there have decided they MUST pair Ms. Newsreader with Mr. MaleModel-type Newsreader. Is this supposed to make it seem more cozy, as if it's just a youngish couple up on a Sunday morning, reading me the news? Must everything be "packaged?" I think if Tom, Dan, and Peter can somehow read the news of the world all by themselves their local equivalents can handle the police and fire blotters, dogs being electrocuted by faulty power lines, Mayor Menino attemting to explain something (w/out subtitles! Sorry...:), etc...

On another television-related theme..."The Sopranos" are back! But after FIFTEEN months?! C'mon!!! I enjoy the series, but it's hard to maintain viewer interest- not to mention remembering what happened to whom last- with that long a lag time! But the twists and turns, and the humor, the writers do week after's a well-done program (if you like this sort of thing!) I just wish they'd do it on a more regular basis. (A few other thoughts: I have one friend who is- sadly!- starting to physically resemble Tony Soprano more and more, weight going up while hairline receding further back, agh!...Lorraine Bracco is just SUCH a woman, she is in every role she plays, and as Dr. Melfi, a fascinating blend of smarts, vulnerability, toughness, and sensuality...AND killer legs (yes, I'm jealous!)...Would a similar program about Irish mobsters ever go over so well? I doubt it...too boring! All of the violence, none of the panache!)

As I mentioned, I do have some time off the next two weeks. The winter has been pretty rugged here- January was the 2nd coldest on record, and February was typically cold. We didn't have much in the way of snow, but in addition to the cold temps, the wind seemed to be howling all winter. What I'm getting at is that it wasn't the best of winters to maintain running on a steady basis, boohoo! I've done better the last 2-3 weeks, and am back up close to 5 mi/morning (albeit at a slower pace than I'd like) at least 4, usually 5 times/week. But the weight I've put on over the winter (and it's not a lot, but JUST enuf, ugh...) has been slow coming off, waaaaaaaaaahhhhh! I was telling a friend the other day, I always end up weighing the most in early March, and the least in August, mostly 'cuz of the differences in weather, being outside a LOT vs. not so much (more incentive to move somewhere warm and sunny year-round?!) One of the other things I need to do is eat more cleanly. For me, NOTHING works better than when I maintain a higher protein/lower carb eating regimen, it enables me to drop and then maintain weight pretty quickly, w/out being hungry. And I don't find it too difficult anymore to resist the carbs I used to love (and NO, I'm not talking just about beer, you!) But sometimes, especially in the winter, when you just feel like hibernating, it's easier to slip back into a higher carb mode, with the predictable results (slower metabolism and- ugh!- weight gain!) But these next couple of weeks, by the the end of 'em, I should be back at/close to my welterweight goal! ;) Swimsuit season will be here soon...

Not to get too political for now, but just one observation? It is interesting, and more than a little telling, that many of the same folks who, 8 years or so ago, were telling us that a heroic war record was not vital to be President (WWII hero Bob Dole vs. Bill Clinton) are now touting their candidate's heroic war record. I'm not a fan of John Kerry; I DO have tremendous admiration and respect for his honorable and courageous military service. But folks, you can't have it both ways, you can't tell us that in '96, long-ago military heroism shouldn't matter but that now it should. Further, and unlike his predecessor, President Bush DID serve in the military. But more to the point, President Bush (as did President Clinton in '96) has a 4 year track record as Commander-in-Chief, hardly an insignficant bit of experience. If folks want to disagree with his policies, actions, CIC, hey, that's fine, that's democracy in action and part of why we have elections. But let's also have a little bit of consistency in our criticisms as well, shall we?

Anyway...I guess athletic recruiting at the University of Colorado is going to be tougher, huh?! No more partying for the in-coming scholar-athletes to be? Nitwits...And what does anyone think of Mianne Bagger's attempts to enter the women's pro golfing tour (Ms. Bagger is a post-op transsexual.) She has faced some crit, as some would believe that her former gender would give her unfair physical advantages, but as she's, what, 5'10" or so (hardly a giant, esp. amongst female athletes...but still towers over me!) and the effects of her hormone therapy, the loss of testosterone and subsequent muscle mass and strength- as well as the fact that she failed to make the cut @ the Women's Australian Open!- should put the lie to the supposition that post-op TS women would necessarily enjoy an unfair physical advantage over those of the "fairer sex" from birth. An issue that is not going to go away (see: IOC.)...March Madness is fast approaching!

"Hello it's me, I'm not at home/If you'd like to reach me, leave me alone..."