my weblog

Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Killin' a lil time as the New Year approaches...

My Christmas was nice, spent a nice day with family! Santa was alright to me, but there are a couple of things he didn't bring, which I may be "forced" to give to myself, from me to me! (And I DO have a birthday coming up next month, hint, hint! :) Not sure what, if anything, I'll be doin' tonite- I've never been huge on going out New Years Eve, it's often "amateur hour," and with inebriates and such on the roads, many clubs and pubs crowded to capacity, it may just be an early nite of taking in some of the sights, and maybe a local watering hole or home, watching a bowl game or something; we'll see...

Well, '03 was an interesting year for me, one in which, in some ways, I'd give anything not to have happened, much less repeat. But there were many positive things as well, out of some darkness came some light...

First, the most positive- my mom's health! For all the worry and fear and uncertainty, in the end, things apparently are alright. That alone is enuf to be happy about! And also in a positive vein, I met several nice people over the course of the year, some of whom I'm thankful to consider new friends...and more! :) Overall, things have been well for me personally, and most of those close to me, overall she types...leading to...the most stupid, irresponsible act of early August. Dumb, dumb, dumb, with no one to blame but myself, fortunate only in that it could have been much worse. Those closest to me, those who could've had the most reasons to be VERY angry, both about the incident itself, as well as some of the, um, particulars...instead have been very forgiving, recognizing that one stupid mistake does not completely erase the decent person I've tried- and largely have- been. But the fallout of it lingers, and will continue to do so in significant degree until next September, and even beyond, and will cause me to have to be all that much more careful when behind the wheel henceforth. ("Henceforth;" hey, this gal IS literate!) A hard and painful lesson, one that $till keep$ on giving, but hopefully a lesson learned, never to be forgotten or repeated. Also, earlier this year I did end up losing one longtime friendship (tho' curiously, after several months of zero contact, I did receive a holiday card from her) really thru little fault of my own, which it took a certain friend on the Left Coast to convince me of...thank you, BB! There were many other highlights, midlights, and lowlights, but '03 was an eventful and changing year for me.

And now...out with the old, in with the new! 2004! I'm not much for strict resolutions and such; more, I tend to have some broader goals or things I try to work toward or improve upon...first, and most important, is to yet again recommit myself to being there more for family and friends, to making more time for them. Similarly, I need to make a MUCH better effort at making more time for ME, for things important to me, things I want to do, and creating the work and financial situations to make that a reality. This is going to be a bit difficult to do in the short-to-medium term, as I have a monthly obligation to the Commonwealth for about $165 until, I believe, July or so, as well as a heftier auto insurance bill (see above.) Short-term, money and time are going to probably continue to be at a premium for me, but hopefully come the second half of '04 that will begin to, I did pretty well until the last week, 10 days of the year...I got kinda lazy between Christmas and now...not so much my running, but I slacked off on my gym work some, plus haven't eaten as well, as healthily, as I tend to do. In that regard, more than anything else, I want to maintain a consistent weight throughout the year...I was soooooooo psyched when I finally hit that welterweight mark last fall! I hope to get back to it by, at worst, my birthday? I just have to be a bit more diligent, more disciplined....I can just LOOK at food and gain 5 lbs, waaaaaaahhhhhh!...Hopefully the winter weather will continue to be as fair as it's been so far- good running weather! (And as an aside- WHAT is the FDA trying to prove by banning ephedra? Have they not heard the phrase "caveat emptor?" Are there NOT legal products out there that cause FAR more illness and injury than an herbal supplement, particularly when that supplement is used responsibly by adults? C'mon, W! Talk about the Nanny State..."And tho' she's not really ill/There's a little yellow pill..." hee! :)

One of the by-products of my stupidity last summer was that my sister now knows of Kellie. She's been more understanding and accepting, even helpful on a few occassions, than I would have hoped- thanks! I had hoped to make some significant strides in "that" department last year, but unexpected bill$ and such (due, once again, to that incident) put a crimp on much discretionary spending...and will do so for at least close to half of this coming year...but once that nut is finally cracked, I would like to really make some strides, some forward progress, in my TGism, do more to further integrate it into the totality of my life...while still trying to keep it from those for whom knowledge of "this" would serve no useful purpose...a difficult balancing act, to be sure! Concretely, some of these things include: the aforementioned fitness goals (maintaining that girlish figure, lol! :) creating a leaner, more defined, less massive look...and doing particular work and exercises to create a curvier appearance...also, trying to do something/do more with my hair (as much as my "other" life will allow)...perhaps later, as time and, more importantly, money permit, I'd like to look into and have done some kind of work, be it Botox, dermabrasion, or whatever, to treat some of the fine- and not so fine- lines and such I have (I seldom sleep a lot, and sadly I tend to get lines and bags under my eyes at times, boohoo!)...similarly, I'd like to start either laser or electro treatments to thin and remove facial hair...all in the effort to create a softer, younger, more naturally femme-looking appearance, to see how far, or how well, I can get/do without or before resorting to the "H" word :) ...Also, in part given that at least one of those closest to me knows of my TGism, at some point this year I may well adopt a name change of sorts here; again, toward creating a more congruent, integratred totality of me (so if/when Kellie Kerrigan becomes Christine ... later this year, you've been warned! :) Perhaps more pie-in-the-sky, but I would like to see if I can begin to work some, earn some living (no, not THAT way!) as Kellie/Christine, 2nd job/2nd career perhaps, maybe something more writing/literary/journalistically inclined...and of course, that old perennial, make more time for an active social life as Kellie, or Christine, or whomever! In short- I'm feeling a real need to take this part of me further, to make this more fully a part of my whole life.

I would be remiss without thanking all of the wonderful people I've been fortunate enuf to call friends- there are more of you than I can list right now. I'm not always the most maudlin or semtimental of types, but the friendship, support, and love of others really does make a difference in one's life. For all the many things I sometimes lack, being surrounded with and by good people has seldom been among them, in both of my walks of life! Thanks.

I know; sappy, Kellie! To close this, I wish everyone a safe, happy, healthy, and prosperous 2004, a year in which all of our hopes and dreams become realized- AND a Patriots Super Bowl win! :)

"Like a break in the battle was your part/In the wretched life of a lonely heart..."

Sunday, December 21, 2003

Random ramblings...Blogger doesn't always blog- sometimes 'bloggings' apparently get lost in cyberspace, oh well...Another weekend, another win for the boys down in Foxboro! This is getting downright scary, they are looking sooooooooooo good!...I hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season, getting out and about with friends and loved ones, havin' some fun...and I hope Santa brings everyone just what they want (IF you were a good boy or girl! :)...Sadly, a good friend of mine is hurting a lil bit right now, a nasty ol' infection, hafta take care of yerself, but get better soon, D!...And belated wedding congrats to a certain someone (you know who you are!)

"Feliz Navidad"...not a bad lil tune, but maybe two minutes or so too long! Trivia question- how many times is the phrase "Feliz Navidad" repeated in that song (too many is not a specific answer!)...someone asked me what my fav Christmas song is, hmmmm...for a modern one, maybe Springsteen's live version of "Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town"...for more traditional ones, probably either "Jingle Bells" or "White Christmas," depending upon my mood...(BTW- the midi playing on my home page right now is "Christmas in Killarney")...And in a musical, but non-holiday, vein, we all have our guilty pleasures, right? I admit- I sorta like- gulp!- Kid Rock! (don't laugh!)...How much more spam must I get re. Paris Hilton? Ewwwwww! She's NOT that good looking (meow!) OK, so she's not disgusting looking, but really, she's no better looking than most women you can find in any bar across America, certainly not worthy of all the hype, attention, spam, etc...

"I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas/I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas/I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas/From the botton of my heart..."

Friday, December 12, 2003

Christmas arrived a little early this year! My mother had had a bit of an on-going health scare throughout the fall, she had come down with pneumonia in August and upon subsequent testing an area of concern had been found on one of her lungs (yes, she smokes, has for most of her adult life.) A few other tests were conducted throughout the fall, and the results of her latest- a PET Scan she had taken last week- showed that there was no cancerous area, most likely any spotting or whatever may have been due to either residual effects of her pneumonia, or perhaps from her COPD condition. But no lung cancer or anything like that was detected! Thank God.

And it's looked like Christmas around here the past week or so...yikes, did we get whalloped by an early-season storm last week! Close to 2 feet around here, even more points north. I've never been a big snow or snow sports fan (don't ski, never even really learned to skate!)...a little bit of snow around the holidays looks nice, makes it look festive and Christmasy, but this WAY too much, WAY too soon! (And we may get another storm Sunday, waaaahhhhh!) The snow DID make for a fun day at Foxboro last Sunday, as the Pats clinched the division w/ a win over Miami- the fans who were able to make it there- and find their seats, under the snow, cheered and celebrated in style! This team just keeps finding a way to win...and win...and win...and win! (Wish I could say the same for the UMass basketball team...)

Things have been busy, but I'm hoping (she types with fingers crossed- ever try typing w/ fngers crossed?) to get out a lil bit around the holidays...I have new Christmas red dress I'm dying to wear to a party, or somewhere! Haven't even begun shopping yet, don't have a whole lot of folks to buy for, but a few...and hey, a suggestion for the reader on anyone's list? One of the best books I've read this year, I highly recommend it, is "Bleachers," by John Grisham (especially for anyone who ever played, or has been involved with, smalltown high school football.) And if Santa doesn't bring me one for Christmas, I may break down and buy a digital camera after the new year...gotta take more pics than I do...

"Now the first of December was covered with snow/And so was the Turnpike from Stockbridge to Boston..."