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Sunday, September 25, 2005

Main Entry: loy·al·ty Pronunciation: 'loi(-&)l-tE Function: noun Inflected Form(s): plural -ties Etymology: Middle English loyaltee, from Middle French loialté, from Old French leialté, from leial: the quality or state or an instance of being loyal synonym see FIDELITY

Loyalty...this has always been a big thing for me, the trait I value, and the one that I try my best to embody, above all others. I'm not sure why; there are doubtless other personality traits and/or characteristics that are equally noble, equally of worth, admiration, and emulation. Sometimes I wonder whether I take loyalty to too much of an extreme, both in extension and expectation. I ponder whether I stay loyal to things, be they professionally, personally, even spiritually, too much, or too long, or too something, particularly when they seem to fall short or disappoint, time and time again. And I probably take it harder, and far more personally than I should, when those to whom I've extended loyalty to do not reciprocate in- what seems to me- any meaningful, appreciable manner, as if my sincere efforts are simply taken for granted. And this lack of reciprocity, from those whom I believe should show some (if nothing else, to show some small level of appreciation for my efforts, if not out of care and consideration of/toward me) well, it hurts me, very deeply, moreso than I often let on. Despite how my various ramblings in this blog may come across, in actuality I keep many things largely to myself, play things closer to the vest than it may appear. I try not to burden others too much with my personal issues and dilemmas, all the while doing my best to be a supportive, interested "ear" toward theirs, again, be they professionally or personally. One would think that more of these folks would appreciate the effort, appreciate my interest and, yes, my loyalty toward them, their issues, problems, dilemmas, etc... and make an effort to occasionally take the initiaitive in showing a little bit of interest, concern, perhaps even compassion or empathy, or something, toward me, and what's going on with me. But so often, too often, so many of these folks to whom I've extended and shown loyalty to seem lacking in the capacity to extend the same toward me. After awhile, it starts to smack of ingratitude, and of self-centeredness (a trait which I abhor above most others.)

Which brings me to two things. First- I probably need to reassess, re-evaluate many of the current relationships to which I show loyalty which is seldom reciprocated in any meaningful manner. Second- this does also serve to make me appreciate those people in my various walks of life who do reciprocate the interest, the concern, the loyalty to them, their situations and issues that I extend to them. And there are several, more than I can (or wish to) name; I'll merely allude to two who sometimes ck this lil blog out. One is a longtime TG friend (who has been working out like a fiend of late...almost as hard as me, hee! ;) another is a married, dart-throwing friend of mine (who also works out almost as much as me!) Folks such as these make the effort worthwhile; it's a shame more folks aren't always as...loyal.

(PS- Totally unrelated, but...what a perfomance by the Pats today! Coming back the way they did, with the injuries they sustained, on the road, against a very good Steelers team...there's a reason why they are the two-time defending Super Bowl champs! Go Pats!!!
PPS- Gotta stop whining, I know ;)

"Now you ask me if I'm sincere/That's the question that I always fear..."

Thursday, September 22, 2005

This just seems to fit how I've been feeling of late...

"If you waste your time a-talking to the people who don't listen to
The things that you are saying, who do you think's gonna hear?
And if you should die explaining how the things that they complain about
Are things they could be changing, who do you think's gonna care?"

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Just a brief one...

I'm going to be incommunicado for a short spell. It hasn't been one person, one incident, one event, one segment of my life but rather, be it personally, professionally, spiritually, I'm feeling a bit disappointed, a bit disillusioned, and a lot drained. I'm generally an optimist by nature, and I certainly don't mind "being there" for others in all of my various walks of life, but right now I'm just feeling that no matter what I try to do, no matter how responsible I try to be, no matter how much I try to extend myself, with few exceptions there is little recognition, little reciprocity, and little appreciation, of and toward my efforts. I feel like I'm running on fumes right now, in all parts of my life, and I need to take a short time to recharge.

I'm not blowing anyone or anything off. I will get around to catching up on and answering all of my calls, email, IM's, etc...soon. Again, it's not limited to "this" part of my life, or to any of the people in "this" part of my life, nor any other one part of my life. And this "short spell" probably won't last more than a week or two, just a little breather, to recharge, to regain a little motivation and momentum, and maybe a little appreciation in the process.

I'll catch up again soon.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Tough day today- I had to have my mom's cat Mooch put to sleep. It's really sad, he was such a young (not even 4 yo) robust and- until whatever this ailment was that hit him- healthy cat. Even putting him down, he seemed his normal, healthy, strong and energetic self. But it was some sort of kidney thing that he just wasn't responding to any treatment nor making any progress recovering from. My mom wasn't up to seeing him and having it done, so I went and stayed with him as they put him down, was kinda rough. She is pretty bummed, and I am, too, as I liked him quite a bit as well; Moochie was a great cat. He'll be missed.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Not the greatest of Labor Day weekends, feel like I've spent much of it on the road, to and fro, burning mucho amounts of ga$oline in the process. My mom's cat, Mooch, got sick, and as such I've been back and forth, to her place, to the vet's, animal hospital, etc...Moochie is still in the hospital, they're not positive what exactly is wrong with him, looks like some sort of kidney ailment, a bit odd as he's a pretty young (3 yo) strong, robust, and, up to this point, healthy cat. And my mom has been- understandably- quite worked up and worried about him, so I've spent much of the past couple of days with her. I don't mind, but it did put a bit of a kibosh on some of my plans for the latter part of this long weekend. But alas...

And of course, the scenes coming out of New Orleans especially, and the entire area affected by Katrina. In my previous post I wrote that I thought it would be ugly, but never expected quite what we've seen. Truly heart-wrenching. And at times exasperating. And at times infuriating. I hope everyone will remember these victims in their thoughts and prayers and that everyone who has the ability to do so will contribute something to the relief org of their choice to help aid the victims of this disaster. I've taken a few friends to task (probably a little more strongly than was warranted) for their focus on finger-pointing and blame-laying regarding the emergency responses to this disaster. And I have been absolutely infuriated by those attempting to score partisan political points and/or attempting to advance any agenda other than aiding the victims of Katrina. The majority of this has so far been largely one-sided, focused only upon one aspect, one level, of government response. There will be a time and a place to affix any and all responsibility, and assign any and all warranted blame (and neither local, state- particularly in New Orleans and in Louisiana- nor federal officials and agencies covered themselves in glory in the early aftermath of Katrina.) Now is not yet that time nor that place. More heartening has been the response of individuals and corporations large and small across our nation in providing whatever aid they can to those affected. It has shown America at it's best. I believe this is something non-Americans don't always understand about us; they see that oftentimes their governments spend more per capita on social programs, relief, and the like compared to ours and conclude that Americans are stingy, miserly, when in fact it is simply our way that we give more, and expect more of, private charities and relief orgs. And they have come through- stand-bys such as the Red Cross, the United Way, the Salvation Army, Catholic Charities, and countless more, and across the entire spectrum, from Pat Robertson's CBN to All are deserving of credit for their efforts. Also, the offers of foreign aid, from individuals, organizations, and governments, is heart-warming, and is suredly appreciated. Some of this is quite humbling for the US- it is one thing to receive- and accept- offers of aid from "peer" nations such as Canada, Britain, Japan, and the like, but to have much poorer nations offering whatever they can afford to send, it is humbling and, again, heart-warming.

The individuals and areas affected by this disaster will recover.

"Oh I'd love to wear a rainbow everyday/And tell that world that everything's OK..."