my weblog

Monday, February 17, 2014

Been a lil while since I updated. I'd had some trouble logging into, seems to have finally resolved...

I've been on HRT for a more than a few years now (with a 6 month cancer-related interruption a couple of years ago.) The results have been largely what I expected and anticipated, and overall I'm happy with the process. But two things that, while I was aware of them, have become more pronounced than expected. I've lost a LOT of muscle-mass, especially upper-body mass. Some of it may also be due to some weight loss since the cancer but for someone who has always (and still does!) lifted weights, done resistance work, etc... and to see little muscle gain, and loss of strength, it's been an adjustment. I look pretty toned but honestly I wouldn't mind gaining a lil more size; I see women at the gym and elsewhere who are fit yet are also more muscular than I (I'm not talking female bodybuilder muscle but fit kind of muscle.) Perhaps the cancer and chemo have played a role as well but my docs believe it is primarily due to HRT. (In fairness, I still do quite a bit of running and cardio as well, which may be keeping me leaner as well.) But it is an odd, tho' expected, outcome. The other is, well, sexual response. Again, expected but, while everything still kinda works down there, it's, well, it's a longer, more time-consuming process. Overall it's not a problem or a complaint, but it is more pronounced than I expected. Again, both of these are likely due to the time and dosages of hormones that I've been on.

A CT scan I had last month indicated progression of my cancer. There still aren't any new growths nor spread to any other organs but the existing lesions have, once again, increased in size. That, coupled with some lab #s over the past month or so, indicates that the treatment regimen I had been on since last June has apparently lost it's efficacy. We're kinda reaching the end of standard colon cancer treatment options. Later this month, pending a screening, I'll be participating in a phase 1 clinical trial for a drug under development. The main thrust of a phase 1 trial is to determine patient tolerances of the drug hopefully it will have some efficacy in controlling the disease as well. We still have one or two treatment options beyond this but my oncologist believes that this was the next best option. I trust her judgment.

It's been a pretty cold and nasty winter around these parts this year, yet between the weather, work, as well as med appointments I've been getting out locally quite a bit- some very enjoyable dinner dates (at some great places!) as well as solo, and just doing- living- as myself; it's been fun, and as the weather (hopefully!) gets better, will indulge even more! At this point just doing things, seeing people, is more important to me than any material things. It's a good mindset to have :)

"There are dreams that fly in the midnight wind/Souls that cry in the midnight wind/Lovers who try in the midnight wind/You and I in the midnight wind... "