my weblog

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Lou Reed- Halloween Parade

Friday, October 26, 2012

And the trees are all kept equal
By hatchet, axe, and saw...

Monday, October 22, 2012

Now I know how the kids who had bad skin in high school felt. The current chemo drug I'm on (Cetuximab) has done a real job on my complexion. : (  My face truly looks horrible, looks as if I have severe acne and rosacea, dammit. And dry, too. Even with makeup and moisturizing like a fiend it still looks pretty gross- and I always had pretty good skin, prior to this. It probably didn't help being out in the midday sun for a few hours this past Saturday (went to the UMass game @ Gillette Stadium; we lost) but dammit... I have a CT scan scheduled for next week, where hopefully (she types with fingers crossed!) the good results I received on my CEA level earlier this month will be reflected on the scan as well. If things are looking better, or at least stabilized, I'll ask my oncologist, she if she thinks we can cut back either the dosage or the frequency- or both- of this. I mean, yeah, obviously the most important thing is if it is effective in beating back the cancer, and I don't mean to complain, either- thank God side effects of the various regimens I've undergone to date have largely been negligible- but this does make me look kinda gross, even if the reason is entirely legitimate. If nothing else I guess I'll be looking scary for halloween. Yuck.

Only a few more weeks 'til election season is over, thankfully. The ads, the robocalls... I'll be coming out with the highly-influential and eagerly-sought (yeah, right!) Kellie endorsements prior to the election... because everyone is entitled to my opinion! I will say some of the pickings are pretty slim.

A few items of interest...
Put Failure in Its Place  As we practice innovating we are propelled up a personal learning curve — and we begin to accomplish our dreams. But implicit in daring to disrupt the status quo is daring to fail. As we learn by doing and do by learning something will eventually (and inevitably) not work. Applicable to many situations.
The Better Solution for 'Pre-Existing Conditions' There's no need to turn the entire system upside down to help the people who can't buy private insurance.
The History of High Heels By definition, a high-heeled shoe has a heel higher than the toe, but it is so much more. Over the generations, shoes have served as indicators of gender, class, race, and ethnicity. The foot and the shoe have been symbols of fertility, wealth, and status. No shoe has made quite the statement towards both sophistication and sexuality as has the high heel. High heels both inhibit movement and appear to extend it. A woman already appears half-walking while limiting the length of her step. The minds eye sees an illusion of speed and an imminent falter. The higher and narrower the heel, the more apparent.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Sitting here at my desk in front of my computer on another Friday night. I've been slipping into my bad habit again of letting other things dictate my schedule, doing what I'm supposed to do, expected to do, being responsible and all, instead of doing more of the things that I want to do, putting off things- and worse, people- that I want to do, want to see, good people who have deserved better. Honestly, I don't know why I let myself be such a slave to supposed to/expected to/perceived responsibility, especially now, in light of my health issues and all... what's that phrase people use- “No one on their deathbed ever says they wish they had spent more time at the office," or similar sentiments to that effect. (No, I'm not on my deathbed, but I am on the clock as it were.) I was getting better at making more "me" time but, perhaps because, as the immediacy of my diagnosis and all began to wear off and- pleasant surprise!- I've felt perfectly well and fine thus far it has had the effect of dimishing to some extent that sense of urgency I had. And it really shouldn't. Where I am- currently- still feeling well it is now that I need to be taking advantage of and living life, doing the things I want to while I feel well enough and am able to do them. And that's an attitude only I can change (but some of you can prod me at it! ;)

This past week or so has been busier than usual- haven't even really had as much time to work on my avocation (picking games against the spread) as I usualy do, hence a smaller slate for me this weekend... On the health front; very briefly, still feeling fine. In fact I've felt better, a lil peppier and energetic than I had been a couple of months ago; better- and longer- runs, better workouts again, etc... The only real drawback to my current chemo regimen is that it is doing a job on my skin and complexion. It's been drying my face and skin out quite a bit (despite how much I moisturize and keep myself hydrated) as well as the acne-like appearance on my face that my med people told me was likely (foundation and concealer do a pretty good job at camouflaging it, but I've also had to switch my foundation, as what I was using I was finding too drying; currently using Neutrogena Healthy Skin Liquid Makeup.)  Obviously it's a small price to pay for effective treatment (and I have a CT scan scheduled for later this month, to see if my tumor marker # reduction correlates with how things are actually looking inside of me) but still...

One thing that has been on my mind a lil bit since all of this began. I have one T acquaintance who, since I was diagnosed, has kinda made herself scarce. We used to be quite tight but over the last year and a half or so she's really made herself, well, scarce. I'm not sure why. I know she's had some personal (non-T related) issues in her life, but I made effort to be supportive and considerate regarding those. I hear from her occasionally, but not too often anymore. I don't know if my illness somehow scares her, if she has a lot more troubling her than she's let on, if she's pissed and/or tired of me and our friendship, or what. As anyone who has read my thoughts here for awhile hopefully realizes, I'm hardly a drama queen, and for the ost part if someone did this I'd simply say "f*ck 'em" and move on. But we were pretty tight.
Whaddya gonna do...

Wednesday, October 03, 2012

October- my favorite month of the year!!! Been getting in some pretty good runs and workouts again as of late... And hey: Why Is Autumn the Only Season With Two Names?  Inquiring minds need to know...  My current fav cheese- Manchego. I can't get enuf of that stuff... a wedge or two with some crusty bread- yum! And I think I had more lobster this season than I ever had, local prices were outstanding... And got into a pizza discussion with a friend the other day, this is the style I grew up on: South Shore Bar Pizza. I've yet to find a truly good one in Boston (tho there are several good Neapolitan, Sicilian, and even Greek/house of pizza places nearby...)  I had my best week of the season- so far!- ATS! Made a lil change on college football, and cleaned up pretty well on the NFL- and a great win by the Pats over the Bills!

I had my weekly chemo session earlier today, and also received the my CEA/tumor marker results (it's a blood marker they use that is often indicative of the progression of the illness.) Since starting on Cetuximab the beginning of September it has dropped over 400 points- woohoo! That is pretty damn good for one month; my CEA level being at the lowest it's been since early this spring! I have a CT scna scheduled for later this month to see if the number I received today correlates with an actual, measurable decrease in the progression of the disease- hopefully it will. I am ten feet tall and bulletproof!!! One thing I still find sorta difficult tho' is, when I hear from people I haven't maybe talked with in a little while and they ask what's been going on with me, how am I doing, etc... telling them about the cancer and all. It's a conversation that usually begins "Well... " But it is awkward to inform people that one is suffering from an- unfortunately- incurable illness and that, likely sooner rather than later, it will get me. People deserve to know, but you don't want to come off as a whiner or self-pitying, either. Whaddya gonna do...

What I'm Reading Now: Getting Off, Lawrence Block (writing as Jill Emerson.)

Odds and sods...
Shave It Off! How Bald Guys Can Look More Manly and Dominant The balding/bald look on men does something for me; hey, we all have our likes and preferences :)
Inside the Cold, Calculating Libertarian Mind These are people who often call themselves economically conservative but socially liberal. They like free societies as well as free markets, and they want the government to get out of the bedroom as well as the boardroom... All Americans value liberty, but libertarians seem to value it more.
Does Having A Boyfriend Affect How Often You Shave Your Legs?  Ladies???
Duo poke fun at Bay Staters on YouTube series They drop r’s and -f-bombs, love the Celtics  and Dunkin’ Donuts — the men from “(Expletive) Boston Guys (Mass -----) Say” are back.
How to Respond to Negativity Or to quote Sgt. Hulka: "Lighten up, Francis!"
Adam Carolla on Luck You're lucky; you're unlucky. Comedian and podcaster extraordinaire, Adam Carolla, explains why in his first course for Prager University.
Beyond the Brain In the 1990s, scientists declared that schizophrenia and other psychiatric illnesses were pure brain disorders that would eventually yield to drugs. Now they are recognizing that social factors are among the causes, and must be part of the cure.
New Justice Department Documents Show Huge Increase in Warrantless Electronic Surveillance I'll say it again; had this occurred under the previous Administration we'd have heard the usual suspects bleating about incipient fascism and the like, but now? Their silence is deafening... and telling.

"Now I'm waiting for Wednesday, waiting for Wëdnesday...