Killin' a lil time as the New Year approaches...
My Christmas was nice, spent a nice day with family! Santa was alright to me, but there are a couple of things he didn't bring, which I may be "forced" to give to myself, from me to me! (And I DO have a birthday coming up next month, hint, hint! :) Not sure what, if anything, I'll be doin' tonite- I've never been huge on going out New Years Eve, it's often "amateur hour," and with inebriates and such on the roads, many clubs and pubs crowded to capacity, it may just be an early nite of taking in some of the sights, and maybe a local watering hole or home, watching a bowl game or something; we'll see...
Well, '03 was an interesting year for me, one in which, in some ways, I'd give anything not to have happened, much less repeat. But there were many positive things as well, out of some darkness came some light...
First, the most positive- my mom's health! For all the worry and fear and uncertainty, in the end, things apparently are alright. That alone is enuf to be happy about! And also in a positive vein, I met several nice people over the course of the year, some of whom I'm thankful to consider new friends...and more! :) Overall, things have been well for me personally, and most of those close to me, overall she types...leading to...the most negative...my stupid, irresponsible act of early August. Dumb, dumb, dumb, with no one to blame but myself, fortunate only in that it could have been much worse. Those closest to me, those who could've had the most reasons to be VERY angry, both about the incident itself, as well as some of the, um, particulars...instead have been very forgiving, recognizing that one stupid mistake does not completely erase the decent person I've tried- and largely have- been. But the fallout of it lingers, and will continue to do so in significant degree until next September, and even beyond, and will cause me to have to be all that much more careful when behind the wheel henceforth. ("Henceforth;" hey, this gal IS literate!) A hard and painful lesson, one that $till keep$ on giving, but hopefully a lesson learned, never to be forgotten or repeated. Also, earlier this year I did end up losing one longtime friendship (tho' curiously, after several months of zero contact, I did receive a holiday card from her) really thru little fault of my own, which it took a certain friend on the Left Coast to convince me of...thank you, BB! There were many other highlights, midlights, and lowlights, but '03 was an eventful and changing year for me.
And now...out with the old, in with the new! 2004! I'm not much for strict resolutions and such; more, I tend to have some broader goals or things I try to work toward or improve upon...first, and most important, is to yet again recommit myself to being there more for family and friends, to making more time for them. Similarly, I need to make a MUCH better effort at making more time for ME, for things important to me, things I want to do, and creating the work and financial situations to make that a reality. This is going to be a bit difficult to do in the short-to-medium term, as I have a monthly obligation to the Commonwealth for about $165 until, I believe, July or so, as well as a heftier auto insurance bill (see above.) Short-term, money and time are going to probably continue to be at a premium for me, but hopefully come the second half of '04 that will begin to ease...fitness-wise, I did pretty well until the last week, 10 days of the year...I got kinda lazy between Christmas and now...not so much my running, but I slacked off on my gym work some, plus haven't eaten as well, as healthily, as I tend to do. In that regard, more than anything else, I want to maintain a consistent weight throughout the year...I was soooooooo psyched when I finally hit that welterweight mark last fall! I hope to get back to it by, at worst, my birthday? I just have to be a bit more diligent, more disciplined....I can just LOOK at food and gain 5 lbs, waaaaaaahhhhhh!...Hopefully the winter weather will continue to be as fair as it's been so far- good running weather! (And as an aside- WHAT is the FDA trying to prove by banning ephedra? Have they not heard the phrase "caveat emptor?" Are there NOT legal products out there that cause FAR more illness and injury than an herbal supplement, particularly when that supplement is used responsibly by adults? C'mon, W! Talk about the Nanny State..."And tho' she's not really ill/There's a little yellow pill..." hee! :)
One of the by-products of my stupidity last summer was that my sister now knows of Kellie. She's been more understanding and accepting, even helpful on a few occassions, than I would have hoped- thanks! I had hoped to make some significant strides in "that" department last year, but unexpected bill$ and such (due, once again, to that incident) put a crimp on much discretionary spending...and will do so for at least close to half of this coming year...but once that nut is finally cracked, I would like to really make some strides, some forward progress, in my TGism, do more to further integrate it into the totality of my life...while still trying to keep it from those for whom knowledge of "this" would serve no useful purpose...a difficult balancing act, to be sure! Concretely, some of these things include: the aforementioned fitness goals (maintaining that girlish figure, lol! :) creating a leaner, more defined, less massive look...and doing particular work and exercises to create a curvier appearance...also, trying to do something/do more with my hair (as much as my "other" life will allow)...perhaps later, as time and, more importantly, money permit, I'd like to look into and have done some kind of work, be it Botox, dermabrasion, or whatever, to treat some of the fine- and not so fine- lines and such I have (I seldom sleep a lot, and sadly I tend to get lines and bags under my eyes at times, boohoo!)...similarly, I'd like to start either laser or electro treatments to thin and remove facial hair...all in the effort to create a softer, younger, more naturally femme-looking appearance, to see how far, or how well, I can get/do without or before resorting to the "H" word :) ...Also, in part given that at least one of those closest to me knows of my TGism, at some point this year I may well adopt a name change of sorts here; again, toward creating a more congruent, integratred totality of me (so if/when Kellie Kerrigan becomes Christine ... later this year, you've been warned! :) Perhaps more pie-in-the-sky, but I would like to see if I can begin to work some, earn some living (no, not THAT way!) as Kellie/Christine, 2nd job/2nd career perhaps, maybe something more writing/literary/journalistically inclined...and of course, that old perennial, make more time for an active social life as Kellie, or Christine, or whomever! In short- I'm feeling a real need to take this part of me further, to make this more fully a part of my whole life.
I would be remiss without thanking all of the wonderful people I've been fortunate enuf to call friends- there are more of you than I can list right now. I'm not always the most maudlin or semtimental of types, but the friendship, support, and love of others really does make a difference in one's life. For all the many things I sometimes lack, being surrounded with and by good people has seldom been among them, in both of my walks of life! Thanks.
I know; sappy, Kellie! To close this, I wish everyone a safe, happy, healthy, and prosperous 2004, a year in which all of our hopes and dreams become realized- AND a Patriots Super Bowl win! :)
"Like a break in the battle was your part/In the wretched life of a lonely heart..."
