Introspection on a Friday evening spent...guess where? (A pre-birthday pity-party?! Or maybe it's just the cold, snowy weather we've had the last week+...BRRRRRRRR!!!)

Tomorrow is my birthday, number XXXVII (Roman numerals to- hopefully!- commemorate another Patriots Super Bowl appearance :) It's been bumming me out a lil bit. Not the "age" factor of it but rather, how it serves to bring into sharp relief how far, in so many ways, my life has not/is not progressing as I'd have thought. I mean, I largely like who I am, I'm comfortable with who and what and "how" I am, but yet I cannot help but think just how far removed I am, my life is, from what I expected it would be at this stage in life, or how, in so many ways (no kidding, huh?! :) my life is so different from that of so many of my peers. By nature, I'm a person who is fairly conventional; even with "this" I'd seldom be described as avant-garde. So at times it does cause me more than a little consternation to realize that, even if I'm comfortable personally, my life is not quite where I expected it might be, nor where "convention" might dictate it should, nor where others would expect it to, be.

In a similar vein (and yes, I've addressed this theme many times before) I feel truly badly that I've allowed so many friendships, acquaintences, relationships, etc...to founder. This is not, and has never been, a reflection upon ANY of the folks whom I've seemingly neglected; indeed, I've been blessed in that, throughout my life, in all of my various walks of life, I've been surrounded by good, decent, solid people, almost without exception. Sadly, and increasingly of late, and understandably so, I've lost touch with and have had folks fall out of touch with me, almost without exception SOLELY because of the schedule I've kept for, well, for too long now. I don't blame any of them (or you, depending upon who is reading this.) I miss a lot of these/you folks dearly, more than you imagine. I truly despise when I disappoint others. And while I've never taken anyone for granted, sadly, I often do seem to take time for granted, putting things off because there's "time." And then realizing that days/weeks/months/years have passed. (The same could be said for my career moves, or more precisely, lack thereof.) Along with being conventional, I'm also a creature of habit, frequently too much so; sponteniety and Kellie seldom go together.

I don't know why change is so often so difficult for me.

Lastly...I would be remiss (and no offense to L. in Pittsburgh! ;) if I didn't say...GO PATS- BEAT THE STEELERS!!!

"Because life is so brief/And time is a thief, when you're undecided/And like a fistful of sand/It can slip right through your hands..."

I know, I know...my last few entries have been sorta cranky, if not bitchy...gotta improve on that, I know, but first...

At the gym this afternoon...I don't mean to come off as anti-social, but I REALLY hate it when folks try to gab with me while I'm working out! Come on! I have a relatively limited amount of time in which to get in my workout (weight work if it's a resistance day, plus- hopefully!- 60 mins or so of cardio work) and I'm there to WORK OUT, not socialize! This happened today, some guy there just seemed to be almost following me around my resistance circuit routine, continually making conversation, about his- and my- workout, and just, well, gabbing. I can't wear a Walkman while lifting, so it makes it a lil difficult to pretend I can't hear this guy, or to ignore him. And, being the sweetheart I am, I don't like to be rude to anyone if I can avoid it. But sheesh...(And what's more, it's January, which means the gym is more crowded right now with all of the "resolution" crowd, meaning machines, etc...are at a premium. Ack!)

More bitchiness...I mentioned Amberrrrrrrrrr Frey and her loathsome bookdeal in a previous entry. It got me to thinking of other folks who are famous not for what they've done but simply for who they are, or more, whom they are related to, be it by birth, incidence, etc...Case in point: Victoria Gotti, daughter of the late Teflon Don, mobster John Gotti. She's had at least one novel published, and she now has a program (with her obnoxious kids) airing on, of all networks (and to their shame) A&E. What has she done, other than to be the daughter of an underworld thug?! Are you telling me there are NO authors, actors, etc...more talented, and more worthy and deserving of a book and/or television deal than Ms. Gotti? Yet because they suffer the indignity of NOT being the child of a criminal thug, they don't get an opportunity. Case in point #2- Paris Hilton; enough said. I'm sure anyone can come up with scads of similar examples, male and female. And it's not so much the monetary aspect of it all; be honest, is ANY athlete, entertainer, artist, or even CEO's work more valuable to society than that of, say, a soldier, police officer, fire fighter, teacher, health care worker, etc...? But at least the athlete, entertainer, artist, CEO is being paid for their accomplishments and/or achievements, NOT simply because, due to accident of birth or circumstance, they glommed on to some form of "celebrity." It's sad, and it is a poor commentary on whom we- and/or our media "masters"- choose to glorify in our culture.

"Remember my name- Fame/I'm gonna live forever/I'm gonna learn how to fly- High..."

This Week's Sign That the Apocalypse is Upon Us
(with apologies to SI...)

With the presidential inauguration just a few weeks away, Washington, D.C., is preparing to shift its focus from politics to parties. On January 19 and 20, the nation's capital will host dozens of concerts, galas...observing the second inauguration of President George W. Bush...The Texas Society of Washington, D.C., has held its annual unofficial inauguration ball since 1981, and this year, it's being touted as the best party in town — and the hardest to score a ticket for. Tickets are sold out (with a 10,000 person capacity) but can be found on Web sites for upwards of $1,000. Artists slated to perform on the seven stages include Ted Nugent, ZZ Top, Lyle Lovett, Dexter Freebish, Gary P. Nunn and Robert Earl Keen. The president and his wife are expected to attend.
http://www.vh1.com/news/articles/
Ah yes...I'm sure "Cat Scratch Fever" always brings a tear to Laura's eye...

"I make the pussy purr with the stroke of my hand/They know they gettin' it from me/And they know just where to go when they need their lovin' man/They know I do it for free..."

On my soapbox tonight...

Why, WHy, WHY would any publisher wish to publish and promote a book by Laci Peterson trial "figure" Amber Frey? (Sadly, yes, I do understand the profit motive. Sad.) And why, Why, WHY would ANYONE purchase said book?! Few things get under my skin more (last entry being an exception! :) than folks being rewarded for absolutely nothing! And make no mistake, Amber Frey has done NOTHING to warrant a book deal and- apparently- the inevitable TV movie deal. Just a couple of examples of the loathsome-ness of this book:
The 210-page book has chapter titles such as "Oh My God! Laci's baby is due on my birthday!" and "Isn't that a little twisted, Scott?"
The book also features dozens of photographs of Frey -- including a glamour shot taken when she was 18 and two dozen black-and-white frames from a "2000 modeling shoot" that show a short-haired Frey in a see-through negligee.
http://www.courttv.com/trials/peterson/010405_frey_ap.html

Gag me! What a loathsome, utterly self-absorbed, inane individual! Here is a woman who is "famous" for no accomplishment of her own, save for sleeping with a married man. Indeed, might she not have contributed in some small way to Scott Peterson's desire to murder his pregnant wife, so he could "play" with the likes of Amber Frey and her ilk?! Scott Peterson is scum, and rightly deserves the needle of peace that the State of California will be giving him- indeed, I've never understood any of the "celebrity" surrounding this case from the get-go; it was a tragic, horrific, despicable crime, but sadly, these do occur all too often. Neither Scott, nor Laci, nor Amberrrrrrrrrr (emphasis intentional) were famous people. Apparently, any murder case occuring in California with the slightest "sensation" to it must now become a media event. But I digress...in a perverse way, even Scott Peterson has more of a "story" to tell than Amberrrrrrrr; he is famous, or more accurately, infamous, for doing something (and any profits from a Scott Peterson tell-all would rightly go to Laci's family.) Amberrrrrrrrrr, in selling her dubious "story," is nothing more than a bottom-feeding troll, profitting off of someone else's misery.

Whatever happened to shame...?

"She's the sickest thing in this world/Look at that stupid girl..."

AGH!!!

Gotta blow off a lil steam...

Some people...You know, I try my DAMNDEST to be nice to people, to treat them kindly, decently, fairly...I'm usually apologetic, and I truly feel badly, when I cannot always meet others' expectations, etc...but I do NOT need ANYONE giving me a hard time because- horrors!- my schedule is not conducive enuf to theirs! Who do some people think they are?! I've always been honest and upfront about my time and schedule and such, and/or lack thereof. Similarly, I've NEVER been critical of anyone because their schedule, their situation, etc...has not been in sync with mine. That's just the way things happen sometimes. And, as I've frequently mentioned throughout my blog and elsewhere, my lack of having more time to do the MANY things I'd rather do, see the people I'd like to see, and such, is something that truly bothers me, brings me considerable frustration, more than I frequently let on to all but a few. But I do NOT need, and I will NOT tolerate, ANYONE gving me a hard time or questioning me, my motives, my integrity, etc...because my schedule does not conform to their windows of opportunity. Nor do I need to explain nor give a detailed accounting of my time- to ANYONE. If I cannot meet anyone's expectations or demands, you are more than free to seek out someone who can.
Life's too short for this.

Sorry- I don't usually get this agitated this easily.

"If you waste your time a'talkin' to/The people who don't listen to/The things that you are sayin'/Who do you think's gonna hear..."